Riding on the backs of whales

When I was very young, probably only 3 or 4 years old, I remember riding in my grandparent's boat on Hayden Lake. We were speeding along and the boat was bouncing up and down on the choppy water. I asked my Grandpa why the boat bounced up and down like that?

He gave me a smile and said, "Don't worry. We're just going over the backs of whales." 

Going on a whale hunt!
(Obviously I'm the only one who gets it. Whales, people! Look alive!)

I spent the next several summers peering over the edge of the boat hoping to catch sight of one of those whales. Sometimes I still do.

Around the time I was 7 or 8, I developed a strange nighttime phobia. My young, overactive, slightly weird mind became convinced that if I were to put one leg outside the covers at night, a witch would come along and paint my leg.

Looking back, it seems to me that if a witch is going to pay you a visit in the night, painting your leg would be one of the more benign spells he/she could conjure up. So I'm not entirely sure why I was so afraid of this Van Gogh-like Witch that lurked in the shadows of my bedroom. But nevertheless, the idea that I might wake up with a purple leg was enough to keep my legs safely tucked under the covers no matter how warm I got.

When my sister came along and grew old enough to participate in my fanciful adventures, I was not above manipulating her youthful innocence to join me in my bizarre inner world. She still loves to share how I convinced her that this random, lone screw on the ceiling of her bedroom was really the opening to a secret candy chute to which, of course, I held the only key. If you know how much Baby Valerie loved her sweets then you know this was rather mean storytelling on my part. But, truth be told, knowing how my mind worked and how easily I myself believed in magic and mystery, I really do think I just wanted someone else to see what I could see.

I mean, OBVIOUSLY that was a portal to a hidden candy chute. Who couldn't see that?

Oh, the places we will go, little sister!
So...see that funny little silver thing on your ceiling...shhh....don't tell anyone but....

All of this is to say that I have always had a rather rich, expansive, easily influenced imagination.

My mother loves to tell the story of how one day she had another adult come to the house for some sort of meeting. A good 45 minutes into their conversation the visitor felt compelled to interrupt their discussion to say, "I just have to tell you that those children have been playing so nicely in there!"

My mom hesitated for a moment and then started to laugh. "Children? That's just Lori." 

Apparently the visitor literally had to get up and see for themselves that all of that animated, verbose, delightful chatter was indeed the product of one, small child.

I suppose that's why to this day I never really mind being alone. Me and my constant inner dialogue are our own One Woman Show! 😃

Imagining the unimaginable. Turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. Conceiving of the inconceivable.

Easy peasy.

The problem is that as much as imagination can be a gift, it can be equal parts curse. Because sometimes it means you give life to ideas and visions and fears and worries and worst case scenarios that haven't even happened. That may never happen. That most likely never will happen.

Thoughts and perceptions that are not true, or at least you don't know them to be true.

Storylines that have never played out anywhere but in your own head.

Amplifying the voices in your head instead of the voices of the real life people who care about you.

When imagination takes the place of reality, or faith, it loses its value and the positive, creative function it can play in our lives.

When I started mulling over what I felt I was being called to explore in 2019, at first I thought my word would be FAITH.

But it wasn't quite right.

For me, FAITH is the constant undercurrent of my life. It is who I am. Even when I wrestle with doubts FAITH is still the firm foundation I can't help but find my way back to.

It is.

I needed something to DO.

I wanted a verb.

I wanted a word that felt active.

(Well...not too active. I mean more mentally active. Something I can still do while sitting on my couch.)

What is the verb of faith?

If faith is the be-ing, what is the do-ing?

On the two hour drive to my sister's ski cabin it came to me....

BELIEVE.

Believe the best in others.

Believe God is for you.

Believe in the big picture, everything is unfolding as it should.

Believe your children, especially your adult children, will find their path and thrive.

Believe in the power of each new day. God's mercies are new every morning.

Believe that it is not all up to you. Rest.

Believe that it will not kill you to leave the house after 5pm. (I may not practice this one until at least May or June...).

Believe that the future holds unknown blessings and adventure. (Nothing toooo adventurous, I hope).

Believe in naps. (Done.)

Believe that which is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8) Not paint brush wielding witches, or any other improbable, unlikely, unreal, scary scenario you've dreamed up.

Believe, believe, believe...

What a perfect word to center me and bring me back to what is real in 2019. I'm sure there will be any number of ways I will get to BELIEVE in the year ahead.

And for anyone who is thinking, hmmmmm....BELIEVE is a good word but I can't help but notice it's just a tiny bit Christmasy???

What can I say??

If I have to spend the next 365 days with Josh Groban singing in my head...well, that can't be helped.

And because I always pick a scripture to go along with my Word of the Year....

Bonus! BELIEVE gets two!

The first is very personal to me and is the first scripture that always comes to mind when I think of belief and the challenge of putting faith into action.

"Lord, I believe; please help my unbelief." -Mark 9:24

I soooo get this guy. Belief...easier said than done sometimes. In fact, most of the time. Love this reassurance by one of my faves, Frederick Buechner.

And this one, because it's short and sweet and brings it all back to the point.

So, there it is.

Let me finish by saying I BELIEVE in you. I believe in the spark that is gifted to each of us by the Creator. I believe you are here for a reason and whether your purpose feels large or small by worldly standards, your presence and participation are needed and necessary.

You are loved.

Believe me.

Happy New Year!