Fly like an eagle

It's that time again!

I can't believe my year of HAPPY has already come to an end. For a word that arrived with more than a little skepticism on my part, I'll admit it served me well. I truly think about happiness differently now and know I will continue to carry my happy intentions into 2018 and beyond.

In fact, the thought of not having HAPPY as my guiding word anymore is kinda making me a little sad. :(

I mean, who doesn't want to be happy?

(However, if you don't want to be happy, or find yourself avoiding happiness, it might be time to figure out why. I totally recommend a year of HAPPY.) 

But the whole point of the Word of the Year isn't that we leave those guideposts behind at the start of a new year, but rather that we keep them as part of our ever-expanding toolbox of growth and learning.

So, stick around HAPPY and let's see who else is joining the party!

A few weeks ago, I would have told you that I had no idea where I was headed for 2018, but in the past few days one word has kept tugging on my sleeve and whispering in my ear.

I've learned to pay attention to overly persistent words.

Honestly, I don't really know what to say about this word because I'm not at all sure where it's leading me. I am also not really sure why my soul seems so gosh darn certain I need this word. But the number of ways this word has kept coming at me lately leads me to believe that Somebody is 100% positive I do need this word.

And interestingly enough, listening to that voice is giving me my first opportunity to practice my 2018 Word of the Year.

Drumroll please....

My 2018 Word of the Year is....

TRUST

At first when this word kept leaping in front of my face like a classroom full of Kindergartners who all want to tell you what they got for Christmas, I was sure I knew what my verse would be.

When I think of TRUST I immediately think of Proverbs 3: 5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Solid verse for sure. 

Totally TRUST-centered and useful. 

Buuuut.....that same little inner voice kept telling me that wasn't the verse I was looking for.

Maybe it is because that for me, as of right now, I'm not sure TRUST is about looking for direction, or the right path. It certainly COULD be...life comes at ya fast. Who knows what could be around the corner?

I'm prepared that I may have some very unexpected lessons in TRUST ahead of me.

But as of now...no....for me....I feel like TRUST is about releasing the generalized anxiety that has settled in my chest of late. It's laying down the burden of feeling like I need to do everything just right for everyone else so that their lives can turn out okay. 

It's about being free, and light, and confident that in the big picture, at all times, in all ways, we are held and loved and safe.

So, instead, I'm going with this verse:

I could use me some "new strength" and even though I really prefer to do more sitting than walking or running, I like the idea of soaring. 

And....eagles make me think of my Dad. 

Flying like an eagle also makes me think of the Steve Miller Band which I only share to let you know what God is working with when he deals with this scattered, easily distracted, musical brain of mine. 

Have mercy, Lord. 

God knows I need it. 

But I TRUST that He can use even the most imperfect of vessels like this one to bring His light into the world. 

I wanna fly like an eagle...

to the sea....

fly like an eagle...

let my spirit carry me...

Alrighty then...looks like we have a 2018 Theme Song, too.

And a mascot.

I'm liking 2018 already. 

No day but today

This morning, Facebook took it upon itself to remind me of a blog post I wrote two years ago today. It was a post about Advent, and Mary, and choosing to be still when the world swirls in chaos.

In other words, still oddly appropriate for today. The more things change, the more they stay the same- as they say.

More than that though, two other smaller details, unrelated to the words of the blog post itself, jumped out at me.

First, my sweet friend Annie had left a comment on the post. Annie was also someone who loved to write and always expressed herself beautifully. Two years later, Annie is no longer physically with us in this world.

Second, looking at the date of the post, I realized I wrote those words one week before my world would be upended in ways I could have never imagined. Talk about chaos and disruption and confusion and grief.

Two years later and two of my favorite people in the world, two people who were the best of friends to one another and so many others, are gone. With us, but not with us.

Sigh.

I know....I know...A bit gloomy for this first Sunday of Advent.

I'm known for my love of Christmas music, the happy endings of Hallmark Christmas movies, my abiding love for Santa, and more often than not a childlike glee of Christmas that rivals Buddy the Elf.

That's all true.

But, like so, so many others (and everyone eventually), I've known some sad Christmas seasons. In fact, there is still a lot of heaviness to this one.

That's when I am grateful for Advent and the real Christmas story. Because while it's a joyful story, it isn't really a happy one.

It's pretty dark. It's a little scary. It contains more than a few confusing elements. And in the end what it asks most of you is simply faith.

Or not so simply.

There are many ways to live out one's faith. For me, continuing to love Christmas in the face of sadness is one of mine. It is my way of saying to death, You cannot have this. You are not powerful enough to make me lose this, too. 

Tracy and Annie were full of light. Literally bursting with it. To choose light is to choose them. If they are to be found, and felt, it will never be in darkness.

Which is why even when darkness descends, which it does from time to time, I always know I can't stay there long. I might rest there for a moment. It can feel like a relief sometimes to just let the despair rise and take cover in the blackness. But it won't take long and their spark will start to flicker from somewhere, telling me it's time to come back.

Come back into the light.

Live.

I saw Rent this past week, which was one of Tracy's favorite Broadway musicals. I hadn't seen it in years so seeing it now, on the other side of this loss, was a wildly different experience.

When I had said I wanted to go to the show, it felt like maybe it was a strange choice to see during the Christmas season. Having just seen Holiday Inn the week prior, it was an odd juxtaposition.

Really though, it was pretty much the perfect contrast.

Holiday Inn- the happy, giddy, bubbly side of Christmas. Rent- the dark, melancholy side of Christmas. Yet in both stories there is the reminder that what we have is each other. We are here to love each other, celebrate with each other, help each other, and hope that there is a happy ending somewhere down the line.

I believe there will be.

I believe in the Light.

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
How about love?